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Those of you who read my blogs regularly know that last week Teresa and I were on vacation for a few days enjoying one of our very favorite places: amusement parks! I am not going to rehash that story, as I shared most of it in my previous blog.

However, I do want to revisit a topic I broached in last week’s blog simply because it is a source of sorrow for me. I mentioned last week that so many people with whom we spoke were obviously amazed at the news that we had been married 45 years. It seemed to strike a nerve with quite a few individuals. 

It gave me pause, and caused me to ask the question, “Why is a long-term marriage seen as a bit of an oddity?” We all know the statistics of marriages ending in divorce. Approximately half of all marriages end in separation and divorce. Then, those who remarry stand an even greater chance of divorcing again. It seems to be a vicious cycle into which many go, and find no way of escape. 

Teresa and I have been doing pre-marital counseling, marriage counseling, and marriage retreats for quite a number of years. We have witnessed many marriages strengthened, but we have also known those that did not survive. I remember one couple in particular who had attended several of our marriage retreats over the span of a few years. We had come to expect them to go each year. Then, one year, when we announced the date and location for our next retreat, I noticed that this couple did not sign up. I questioned them about their not signing up, thinking that it was a simple oversight on their part. I was shocked, however, when I heard their response. They informed me that they would not be attending any more of the retreats because, in their words, “They don’t work.”

I was shocked! I stood there in stunned silence for a few moments, and then finally asked, “Have you done the follow-up work you were encouraged to do?” Then, I was even more shocked. “No,” they replied. “We just thought going on the retreat would help our marriage.” 

Well, needless to say, this sort of put me into a state of mental numbness. No, I thought, they won’t work unless you work at it. I will admit that it is good for couples to get away for a weekend. To have a break from the daily routine. But a marriage retreat is meant to give us tools to use to make our marriages better. It’s not a magical time in which every problem you have, or will experience in the future, will mysteriously disappear. But it is a time in which we learn practices and principles which will enhance our marriage relationships. 

This brings me back now to my original intent in writing this blog. Why is a long-term marriage such an oddity? Or, for that matter, why is a long-term commitment to anything such an oddity? I don’t want to oversimplify an extremely serious matter, but I feel that one reason is we live in a throw away society. Think about it. It used to be that things were repaired, but now they are replaced. We just simply throw out the old and purchase the new. It doesn’t even have to be broken. We just get tired of it and want a new one – whatever the “one” happens to be. And, in the case of this blog, it happens to be relationships. 

God ordained the marriage relationship to be productive and pleasurable. We are to make a commitment that lasts until we are parted by death. But now, it lasts until we are parted by desire, or the lack of it. We are parted for the most insignificant things. 

Now I must interject at this point that marriage is extremely hard work. But, it seems that this is the very reason so many throw in the towel. They don’t want to work at it. If it becomes difficult, throw it out and get a new one. Why go through the hassle of working at this one when I can just get into a new one. 

Long-term relationships should not be an oddity, especially among those who profess to have a relationship with Jesus Christ and are striving to live by His teachings. I am convinced that long-term relationships would be more of the norm rather than the oddity if we would but commit ourselves first and foremost to Him, and then to our mate. 

Let’s all please strive to make every effort to work out difficulties and work through hardships, all the while trusting God to give us the grace to make it through. His blessings are bountiful and more than sufficient.