A few days ago, I met a gentleman with whom I greeted with, “How are you doing?” At the time, I did not know that he was a citizen of another country who was visiting the United States for a few weeks. His response showed his confusion as to why I greeted him in such a way. He followed up my question with one of his own: “Why do you Americans greet each other with such a strange greeting?” I replied that it was just a customary greeting in the US – that it was our way of saying hello.

Since that conversation, I have given some serious thought to his question. I have come to realize that we really don’t want to know how the person we are greeting is doing, and, probably, if they started telling us how they were doing we would become a bit agitated that they were taking so much of our time.

I remember distinctly an occasion several years ago where I was asked that question. It had been an extremely stressful stretch for me, as I had officiated seven funerals in seven weeks – one each Wednesday for seven consecutive weeks. A few days after the last of those funerals I was visiting in the home of James and Billie Nelson, members of the church I was serving as pastor at the time. James was always such a source of encouragement for me. As we visited on that day, he asked that question, “How are you doing, pastor?” I responded with my pat answer: “I’m fine.”

However, on this particular occasion James was not satisfied with my response. He locked eyes with me, and said, “No, pastor. How are you really doing?” He was aware of the stressful stretch, and knew that I was probably experiencing the crushing weight of those seven funerals. It was there, in the Nelson’s living room, that I was able to release the pent-up stress, and literally cry on James’s shoulder.

There are times when we desperately need a shoulder to cry on, a strong arm to lean on. There may be the occasion when you ask the question, and someone responds by sharing the weight of the world that is crashing down on them. We may think to ourselves that we don’t have time to listen, but it is in those moments that we should allow God to use us as a source of encouragement for them. It may seem to be an infringement on our time, but it may be a source hope and help to someone in desperate need of a listening ear. They may not need, nor want, any advice. They may just need to unload.

Yes, most of the time people will know that our “How are you doing?” is simply our way of saying hello. But on those rare occasions in which someone responds by sharing with us their present state of struggle, let’s be sure to give them time to share. It may be the very thing that lifts them out of their stress.

So, how are you doing?

Blessings!