Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her.

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.

Ephesians 5:22, 25; 6:1

These verses describe in beautiful detail God’s intent for the family (take time to read the entire passage, Ephesians 5:22-6:4, to see how majestic His design for the family truly is.) In our present day these verses have been maligned and abused, misinterpreted and viciously attacked by those who misunderstand God’s original intent for the family structure.

The family is God’s very first institution among the human family. As a matter of fact, all other human institutions are built on the foundation of the family structure as designed by God. When the family is strong, as designed by God, all other institutions will be strong. However, when the family structure begins to erode and crumble, all other institutions follow along.

In the verses quoted above, the apostle Paul speaks about the different members of the family: wife, husband, and children. The proper understanding and implementation of the guidelines given in this passage are imperative for the family to operate successfully. And, in the opinion of this writer, if they are understood and obeyed, the family will be strong and successful.

Let’s briefly visit each of the three family members mentioned in this passage. Paul first addresses the wife by saying that she should be submissive to her husband. He then gives an explanatory word by stating that “the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church.” The wife is called upon to submit to her husband’s authority because this is God’s design. This design was thwarted somewhat in the Garden of Eden when Eve was deceived by the serpent, which ultimately led to her setting her sights on being head of Adam. The perfect design of God was damaged by the sinful disobedience, first of Eve, and followed by Adam.

Paul is thus calling us back to God’s original design: husband is head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church. Therefore, wives are called upon to submit to the headship of their husbands. However, there is a precursor to this command to the wife. Let’s look back at the verses leading up to this command:

Therefore do not be unwise, but understand what the will of the Lord is. And do not be drunk with wine, in which is dissipation; but be filled with the Spirit, speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord, giving thanks always for all things to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting to one another in the fear of God.

Ephesians 5:17-21, NKJV (emphasis added)

Before Paul admonishes the wife to be submissive to her husband, he instructs us to be submitted to one another. It should be a spirit of mutual submissiveness. Then, in that state of mutual respect Paul instructs the wife to submit to the headship of the husband because this is God’s design.

But wait! Before we allow ourselves to get bent out of shape because of this heavy burden placed upon the wife, let’s look at the command given to the husband: “Love your wife as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her.” I have said this in every marriage retreat Teresa and I have led through the past quarter of a century: husbands, if you love your wife like that you will never have a disrespectful wife. Wives relish that kind of love and will respond to it with willing submission.

The husband/wife relationship should be one with mutual respect for one another in the love of Christ. The only way that is possible is for both to be in a state of submission to the Lord over them as individuals as well as a couple.

Finally, Paul instructs the children to obey their parents. The fall in the garden affected all of humanity. In my opinion this is seen graphically in the modern state of the family. Children are disrespectful to parents, which leads them to be disrespectful to everyone else. They don’t respect teachers, or law enforcement, or employers, or, well, anyone. This is mainly because they are not taught to be respectful in the home, by their parents. Rather, in many cases, they are taught just the opposite.

But Paul says that it is right for children to obey their parents. This is God’s design. And parents should go to extreme measures to teach their children the importance of being respectful of others.

Sadly, in our modern world, we are seeing the majesty of God’s design for the family turned on its head. Often, we see marriages in which there is no mutual submission, there is no making melody in our hearts, because their is no song in the relationship. Husbands and wives go their own ways, moving further and further apart because of the demands of life. Children are oftentimes left to fend for themselves because the parents are too busy to invest time and energy in them. The family structure is deteriorating due to the lack of respect for God’s design and instruction.

And now, to show how the attacks of Satan are still aimed largely at the family structure, he has called into question everything the Bible teaches about God’s design for the family. Men and women living together outside of marriage; premarital sex; men living with men; women living with women. God’s intent and purpose for the family is being eroded more and more by the moment. Why? Because as a society we have given ourselves over to the desires of the flesh rather than to the teachings of Scripture.

For those of us who are striving to live by the teachings of God’s word, let’s be quick to share His amazing love, grace and forgiveness to those who are living outside the parameters of His instruction. Let’s remember where God has brought us from, so that we might be able to be God’s vehicle of grace to others. As we have received, let us be quick to give.

Until next time:

Blessings!